Things they carried open
Jan. 20th, 2019 11:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icywindJames sighed as he stood at the edge of camp. Behind him their little group was beginning to settle in for the night, evening meal settling in everyone's stomachs. In front of him, sitting on the concrete median between lanes of the highway, was the man he loved. He wondered if Clay knew what kind of picture he painted and how it affected him. He shook his head at himself deciding probably not and made his way over to Clayton, placing a hand on his shoulder and rubbing absently while he took his own seat next to him.
"You didn't eat," he said and signed as he had grown accustomed to so many years ago.
"Wasn't hungry," Clay replied, eyes still on the mountains in the distance. Almost like he thought if he looked hard enough he'd be able to see Boulder itself.
"Not good enough," James said, giving him an unimpressed look that he had to notice from the corner of his eyes. "We've got a big day tomorrow and I know you're only going to have coffee in the morning."
"Not too late you know," Clay said, ignoring the comment on breakfast. "We've gotten this group this far, they can make it the rest of the way and we could go back to New Orleans... Live in the Quarter this time. You could take over the library there. It would be good." It would be safe went unsaid though he was probably thinking it.
James leaned in to press a kiss to Clay's temple then leaned back again. It wasn't what he had wanted to do though, not really. In truth he wanted to gather Clay into his arms, give him a solid kiss, and tell him that he loved him and appreciated his concern but that everything would be okay in Boulder. But their relationship wasn't like that and no amount of wanting would change it.
"It would be nice, but you know this is the right thing to do."
"The right thing to do," it was Clay's turn to sigh this time and the expression on his face was troubled. He was thinking about Topeka and whatever state he'd found James in there.
"I'm fine," he reminded Clay, grabbing one of his hands and holding it in both of his, smoothing his thumbs over his knobby knuckles for a moment to soothe and then raising Clay's hand to hold over his heart because the haunted look was back on his face. "Feel that? I'm okay." It beats for you, he wanted to say but couldn't. Inundating him with his own feelings wasn't what Clay needed now. "The scars have faded even and Ashanti says my arm is as good as it can be."
"I know... I know," Clay nodded and removed his hand from James's chest, though he did keep holding his hand.
"I won't run into anything without you by my side or watching my six, I promise."
"Good." Clay's voice sounded thick despite only saying one word and James gave his hand another squeeze.
"Promise me you'll eat something before coming back for bed?" Clay would do first watch, he always did. James took the third one just before dawn.
"Yes sir, I will scouts honor."
"You were never a scout," James said with a laugh, happy to see the smile gracing Clay's features before he turned away and headed back to camp.
"I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave," Ashanti teased her light accent coloring the words pleasantly as James sat down next to her. He gave her a withering stare but it had no affect other than to make her laugh again. Clay did not watch him walk away to check out his ass. "So how's your man?" she asked, picking up her tools to carefully prod at his arm.
"He is not my man and he is as well as can be on the eve of our arrival."
"He's moping and all worried then. I bet it's a good look." She caught James's eye and hers fairly twinkled with amusement. "Tell me it's a good look."
"Brooding is a good look on him yes," she laughed delightedly and he paused a moment before continuing, "But I hate that it's happening."
"I'm telling you he's in love with you."
"I'm telling you he isn't," he grumped in reply. "You ready for tomorrow?" he asked, changing the subject. Ashanti, who had been with them since a day into their journey west from Lawrence, would tease him all night about his feelings if he gave her the chance.
"As I will ever be I suppose," she replied, her face a study in concentration as she made sure his arm was in top working condition. Thankfully it was and she packed away her tools after only a few minutes of testing. "Ready for the dreams to stop that's for certain."
They were all ready for the dreams of Boulder and Vegas to stop and the hope was that simply arriving at one or the other would somehow aid in that. Bud, a wily veteran of World War II, joked that he hoped Mother Abigail had a strong antenna to block out the Vegas station. They all laughed but James was pretty sure they all had some vague notion of the same thing.
Of course even if the dreams about the man in Vegas stopped for James he knew he would still have nightmares of whatever had happened in Topeka. Pushing that out of his mind, he'd had a good few days after all, he and Ashanti spoke a little longer before he made the rounds making sure everyong was settling in fully before he finally made his way over to his sleeping bag.
"Mreow?" A white cat twined around his legs and James noted with a slight grimace that there was a dead mouse next to his gear.
"Thank you Al," he said, making sure he stroked the cat and praised him for his work. "I'm just a giant hairless kitten, what would I do without your hunting skills?" Alpine batted at his hand and then licked it looking satisfied before he strode off to visit with the rest of the group. They'd found him a few days ago - or rather he'd found them, wandering into camp before they were even unpacking. He'd bonded with James, much to Clay's bemusement, and had taken to leaving him 'gifts' every evening since then. He disposed of the latest one and unrolled his sleeping bag, took one last look over towards where he could no longer make out Clay in the dark. With another sigh he turned over and shut his eyes. He needed all the rest he could get before tomorrow.
"You didn't eat," he said and signed as he had grown accustomed to so many years ago.
"Wasn't hungry," Clay replied, eyes still on the mountains in the distance. Almost like he thought if he looked hard enough he'd be able to see Boulder itself.
"Not good enough," James said, giving him an unimpressed look that he had to notice from the corner of his eyes. "We've got a big day tomorrow and I know you're only going to have coffee in the morning."
"Not too late you know," Clay said, ignoring the comment on breakfast. "We've gotten this group this far, they can make it the rest of the way and we could go back to New Orleans... Live in the Quarter this time. You could take over the library there. It would be good." It would be safe went unsaid though he was probably thinking it.
James leaned in to press a kiss to Clay's temple then leaned back again. It wasn't what he had wanted to do though, not really. In truth he wanted to gather Clay into his arms, give him a solid kiss, and tell him that he loved him and appreciated his concern but that everything would be okay in Boulder. But their relationship wasn't like that and no amount of wanting would change it.
"It would be nice, but you know this is the right thing to do."
"The right thing to do," it was Clay's turn to sigh this time and the expression on his face was troubled. He was thinking about Topeka and whatever state he'd found James in there.
"I'm fine," he reminded Clay, grabbing one of his hands and holding it in both of his, smoothing his thumbs over his knobby knuckles for a moment to soothe and then raising Clay's hand to hold over his heart because the haunted look was back on his face. "Feel that? I'm okay." It beats for you, he wanted to say but couldn't. Inundating him with his own feelings wasn't what Clay needed now. "The scars have faded even and Ashanti says my arm is as good as it can be."
"I know... I know," Clay nodded and removed his hand from James's chest, though he did keep holding his hand.
"I won't run into anything without you by my side or watching my six, I promise."
"Good." Clay's voice sounded thick despite only saying one word and James gave his hand another squeeze.
"Promise me you'll eat something before coming back for bed?" Clay would do first watch, he always did. James took the third one just before dawn.
"Yes sir, I will scouts honor."
"You were never a scout," James said with a laugh, happy to see the smile gracing Clay's features before he turned away and headed back to camp.
"I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave," Ashanti teased her light accent coloring the words pleasantly as James sat down next to her. He gave her a withering stare but it had no affect other than to make her laugh again. Clay did not watch him walk away to check out his ass. "So how's your man?" she asked, picking up her tools to carefully prod at his arm.
"He is not my man and he is as well as can be on the eve of our arrival."
"He's moping and all worried then. I bet it's a good look." She caught James's eye and hers fairly twinkled with amusement. "Tell me it's a good look."
"Brooding is a good look on him yes," she laughed delightedly and he paused a moment before continuing, "But I hate that it's happening."
"I'm telling you he's in love with you."
"I'm telling you he isn't," he grumped in reply. "You ready for tomorrow?" he asked, changing the subject. Ashanti, who had been with them since a day into their journey west from Lawrence, would tease him all night about his feelings if he gave her the chance.
"As I will ever be I suppose," she replied, her face a study in concentration as she made sure his arm was in top working condition. Thankfully it was and she packed away her tools after only a few minutes of testing. "Ready for the dreams to stop that's for certain."
They were all ready for the dreams of Boulder and Vegas to stop and the hope was that simply arriving at one or the other would somehow aid in that. Bud, a wily veteran of World War II, joked that he hoped Mother Abigail had a strong antenna to block out the Vegas station. They all laughed but James was pretty sure they all had some vague notion of the same thing.
Of course even if the dreams about the man in Vegas stopped for James he knew he would still have nightmares of whatever had happened in Topeka. Pushing that out of his mind, he'd had a good few days after all, he and Ashanti spoke a little longer before he made the rounds making sure everyong was settling in fully before he finally made his way over to his sleeping bag.
"Mreow?" A white cat twined around his legs and James noted with a slight grimace that there was a dead mouse next to his gear.
"Thank you Al," he said, making sure he stroked the cat and praised him for his work. "I'm just a giant hairless kitten, what would I do without your hunting skills?" Alpine batted at his hand and then licked it looking satisfied before he strode off to visit with the rest of the group. They'd found him a few days ago - or rather he'd found them, wandering into camp before they were even unpacking. He'd bonded with James, much to Clay's bemusement, and had taken to leaving him 'gifts' every evening since then. He disposed of the latest one and unrolled his sleeping bag, took one last look over towards where he could no longer make out Clay in the dark. With another sigh he turned over and shut his eyes. He needed all the rest he could get before tomorrow.
